[TriLUG] Why the message size limit? [Was: Your message to TriLUG awaits moderator approval]

[Brian Henning via TriLUG]

Hi Cristóbal,

I appreciate and accept your apology.  Sometimes wires get crossed; I know I'm an expert at finding words that are the most likely to be taken the wrong way!  I'm glad we were able to find a cordial way to settle the matter.  Although I'm certainly embarrassed for my missteps, maybe this'll be a good example to have in the archives of a positive example of resolving personal conflicts in the group. :-)

Cheers,
-Brian

-----Original Message-----
From: TriLUG [mailto:trilug-bounces+bhenning=pineresearch.com at trilug.org] On Behalf Of Cristóbal Palmer via TriLUG
Sent: Friday, June 08, 2018 11:46 PM
To: trilug at trilug.org
Subject: Re: [TriLUG] Why the message size limit? [Was: Your message to TriLUG awaits moderator approval]

On 6/8/18 11:15 AM, Brian Henning via TriLUG wrote:
> "Your ideas and/or concerns do not matter because they are not hard or broad enough."  Couching the ideas of "if you're not an expert then shut up" and "your ideas and concerns are insignificant" in softball terms like "get a bit more curious" and "maybe invest a bit of energy" doesn't make them any less repressive, and I find them deeply and personally offensive.  
> 
> With those dissents voiced, I would like to repeat that I realize the mistakes I made in my previous message, and again, I apologize, and ask for forgiveness.

Firstly, I appreciate the time you took to write your message, and while I don't think I was owed an apology, I think yours was a good one, and I commend you for offering it. Again, I appreciate it.

Secondly, I'm sorry my message came off as a challenge to you personally, and I'm curious what about the framing and tone of my message was oppressive and offensive, but if you want to explore that, I'd say we should do it off-list, and possibly through something other than email. I say this not to challenge you--I believe and accept that what I said was hurtful; I'd just like to understand how so that I can avoid the same mistake again. I definitely didn't mean to give the impression that this process requires special expertise (just time, access, and effort), and I certainly don't ever intend to tell people to shut up. Everyone should feel heard.

I'll close by saying I feel some guilt that it has been years since I've felt I've contributed meaningfully to this group, and I know that I owe this group a debt I'll never be able to fully repay for the career as a sysadmin that I've had for over a decade now. You, Brian, are a member of this group that I am indebted to, so I ask your forgiveness for focusing on you and making a hash of contributing positively in the process.

Bashfully,
--
Cristóbal Palmer
--
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