% Demo file for using ScriptTex 1.03%version

% This isn't a particularly exciting script, but it is demonstrative of what
% you can do with ScriptTex.

\input ../screenplay.tex

% optional \twoside
% optional \jlbrooks

\TV % or \movie (\TV is default)
\proof % or \manuscript or \shoot  (\proof is default)

\series{}  % Optional
\title{A Day in Hell} % used on title page and in \proof footlines
\author{Joseph Mack} % used on title page and in \proof footlines
\basedon{Inspired by \em{Edgar Bronfmann}, \em{Nicholas Winton} and many well known jokes}
\draft{First draft} % used only if \proof is in force
%\date{25-OCT-1991}  % defaults to \today
\showcopyright{\number\year}
\address{5112 Longwood Dr \\
         Durham, NC, 27713-8010 \\
         (919) 401-2047}

\maketitle % creates a title page

%%%%
%%%% Main script begins here.
%%%% For the first part of this script, I won't take advantage of any synonyms
%%%% or shortcuts.
%%%%

\stage
I started writing this on reading the obit of Edgar Bronfmann NYT 21 Dec 2013.
%http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/23/business/edgar-m-bronfman-who-brought-elegance-and-expansion-to-seagram-dies-at-84.html?ref=obituaries&_r=0
The initial parts about heaven were inspired 
by Jim Jeffries' piece about God at a party.
This provided the initial skeleton, but was eventually discarded.
Much of the properties of heaven and hell are from well known jokes.
The piece was stuck there not really having anywhere to go.
Then rescue was added in Jul 2015 after reading the NYT obit of Nicholas Winton
(see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicholas\_Winton
and the obits in SMH and NYT).

%http://www.smh.com.au/comment/obituaries/how-to-save-700-children-in-nine-months-20150703-gi4nck.html
%http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/02/world/europe/nicholas-winton-is-dead-at-106-saved-children-from-the-holocaust.html?ref=obituaries&_r=0

\stage 

\introduce{Beelzebub} 
Beelzebub is sitting at his desk 1/4 way in from stage-left.
He is seen facing 45deg towards stage-right.
A trident is leaning on his desk.

\introduce{Francesca} Beelzebub's secretary.
She sits at a desk in the large outside office/waiting room, 
stage-right facing the audience.
Initially she doesn't have many responsibilities 
and will spend as much time as possible
applying makeup, buffing her nails, eating chocolates, brushing/spraying her hair. 
Francesca eventually becomes the heroine of the story.
I don't know how much of a floosey to make her in the beginning.
I have to make her enough of a caricature, 
to make a joke out of God wanting her as a girlfriend.
I'll let the actor playing her handle this.

\introduce{Fred Demon} Fred is the head demon; polite, cheery and competent.
He dresses like the FreeBSD demon.
http://clarus.chez\-alice.fr/Museum/Mascots/FreeBSD\_daemon\_large.jpg
He is the foreman in charge of the furnaces.
Fred acts confidently throughout the scene. 
He's a trusted worker in good standing with Beelzebub.
Fred can be played by a woman; in this case swap all references to Elsie and Fred.

\introduce{Edgar Bronfmann}
He's elegantly dressed.

\stage
Comic Perspective: Hell is well run and a fine place to be. 
They are tormented by the residents of heaven.
Hell is unpleasant only thanks to the conditions under which they're forced to live.

\stage
Flaw: Francesca has spirit and is incompatible with an orderly and polite world.

\stage
Humanity: everyone in Hell take pride in their work and lifestyle. Everyone is well treated.

\stage
Situation: Hell. Not the place you expect to work well.

\stage
Everything in Hell works and is run well.
The citizens have great pride in the functioning of the place.
They do their best with the limited resources and in the sometimes arduous conditions.
There are no computers or modern technology in hell; everything is done by hand.

\stage
It's hot in Hell (at least in Beelzebub's office). 
The humans, Francesca and Edgar Bronfmann
express distress about the heat.
Initially Francesca continually fans herself and pants.
Edgar being a gentleman (and wearing a suit) 
takes out a handkerchief and mops his brow occasionally.

\stage
Beelzebub and Fred Demon are quite comfortable in the heat.

\stage
Heaven is depicted much like a govt bureaucracy,
where nothing works, 
but great effort is made so that everything appears to work.

\stage
Between the inner office with Beelzebub and the outer office with Francesca,
there is an (imaginary) wall with a door that opens in towards Beelzebub.
The wall is edgeways to the audience.

\stage
people enter and leave the office on Francesca's side.

\stage
Thanks to Georgina for help with the names of Fred's three daughters.

\stage
Props: trident and (halloween devil) horns for all players.
two office trident stands (possibly waste paper bins or umbrella stands),
one at Francesca's desk and the other at Beelzebub's desk,
to hold visitor's tridents.

\stage
The residents of hell wear halloween devil's horns 
(only 2-3" long, discretely small,
small enough to be seen from the audience, 
but not large enough to be overwhelming.)
The residents with horns initially are Beelzebub and Fred Demon.
I'm not sure when to have  
Francesca start wearing horns. 
When she first starts wearing them,
it's a signal to the audience that she's
decided she belongs in hell.
A good place might be when she appears riding the train with the kids.
Another place would be at the final bow.
Edgar doesn't have horns till the final bow.

\stage
When I need a property of heaven that I don't know, 
I use whatever they do in God's own country (the US),
\em{e.g.} be on the lookout for suspicious activity
which came from the security theatre in place in WDC, 
when I visited for the 4th Jul fireworks in 2015.

\stage
When I need a property of Hell, I use Australia 
(hot, universal health care, public transport)

\stage
Credits: The engineer appearing in hell by mistake 
(and installing air conditioning and flush toilets) 
is from a humourous comment
on the tech website slashdot.
This was a long time ago and I didn't record who said it.

\stage
God having a bothersome girlfriend is from a joke where a famous
movie director arrives at the Pearly Gates, after a lifetime
of dealing with big egos and prima donnas, hoping for an eternity
of rest, only to find that he's expected to direct a movie
starring God's latest girlfriend, who we're told "sings".

\stage
I made Francesca the heroine of the story after watching a play
at DA, set during WWII in coastal north east USA, following
a landing of German spies/commandos from a boat/submarine.
In a castle a group of actors are trying to write a play,
following the murder of one of them. 
The chorus girl who initially appears to be the least likely
to do anything useful, is actually a lieutenant in the navy,
there to break the spy ring and at the end of the play has
everyone figured out and knows who the murderer is.
I thought if she can do this, then God's girlfriend
can do the same in hell.

\stage
The Devil loosing so many from people repenting on their
deathbed is spoken by Peter Cook in "Bedazzled".

\stage
The phrase "after that it goes into a bit of a decline"
is from Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

\stage
God loving unconditionally, is from Jim Jeffries "God at a party".

\stage
Shuttering the tram windows is from a movie depicting the Warsaw ghetto.
The trams when they went through the ghetto were shuttered,
so the passengers would not see the living conditions in the ghetto.

\stage
The payment in gold is from the Nazi era, 
when payment for services rendered to the Nazis was expected in gold, 
as much counterfeit money was in circulation.

\stage
The notion that that the celestial bookeeping software could crash 
is from a cartoon by Gary Larson.
He has a cartoon with a bunch of very happy pigs each on a fluffy cartoon
cloud, with a wary nerd dangling his legs over the edge of one of the clouds,
while a pig next to him looks at him somewhat askanse.
The caption is "Due to a celestial bookkeeping error, Ernie winds up in hog heaven."

\stage
The christians who watch Fox news on big screen TVs are modelled on a friend 
I've known since I was a teenager.
He taught me a lot about being a father, 
and has played a big role in my life in many other ways.

\stage 
15 Jun 2016.
Took this to Cary Playwrights forum last night.
I thought it was brilliant and they'd want to 
stage it right away.

\stage
Most of the time I take a play to these people I come back thinking
I've done it all wrong.
I get so many ideas, that I can't figure out how to fit any of them it.
The "Graduation Day" and "Robots" sketches are both jammed as a result of this.
I don't want to write like they want me to write.
Am I wrong?
What is right?
What is popular?
Is there a better way to get my message across?
Have they missed my message?

\stage
They wanted to know the point.
I said "to show that hell isn't as bad as it's been made out to be".
The response was to have balloons for the kids when they arrived at the station.
Balloons isn't what I think of as fun.
Hell is too poor to be wasting money on fripperies.
I then said "to show that God is mean".
I wasn't real confident about saying this in front of people I don't know well,
particularly when one black guy seems to be a christian.
One woman (who had done a piece on a woman with Alzheimers, 
that I thought was worthless)
said that I should show god being mean
and that god should appear in the play.
Having god say "I'm mean" (or it's equivalent)
is tell, not show.
It's much more evil to show God in the background,
where he's not accountable and no-one can tell what he's thinking,
with god's actions just seeming to be the way it is.
I think stopping the 9th train is pretty mean.
No-one said "well this is pretty neat".
They didn't seem to get it.

\stage
Lydia asked if hell was a nice place, why do you need the 2nd half.
I said that you can't just say hell is a nice place.
You have to show the people in hell behaving in a way that shows
that it is a nice place.

\stage
Lydia and a few other people thought if hell was a nice place,
why were the kids crying when they got to hell?
They should be happy eg balloons on arrival.
I didn't say this, but I thought the kids would be unhappy
leaving their parents.
I thought of the kids leaving eastern europe being separated
from their parents under duress.
I was unhappy about being separated from my dad,
but that was mostly because I was told I wouldn't be
able to make it without my dad.
On reading some of the stories of the KinderTransport
program, some of the kids thought they were on a big
adventure, so not all were crying.
Lydia thought it was creepy the kids crying on arrival.
I thought it was normal.
I asked her if having the kids being happy on arrival
would fix it.
She said no.
I got there were underlying problems here

\stage
People wondered why only the kids were being let out.
I thought it was because god was being mean and
wanted to make it as difficult as possible for the
parents to let them go.
Because it was a bureaucracy and no-one was ever going to tell you.
I reluctantly said it was because god was mean.
People offered suggestions,
eg because god loved everyone unconditionally,
and didn't want the adults to leave.
I guess they didn't get it.
The bit about a million years confused Phil at least.
I'll have to cut the time down.


\stage
most people were familiar with the real KinderTransport program,
so having this in my piece would not be a new idea to them.

\stage
The casting was terrible. Edgar couldn't read.
Francesca was filled with ennui, like Danielle at NoShame,
rather than being alive.
Phil was a bored devil.
Half of the people weren't there last time and
so didn't know that hell was a nice place and
that heaven wasn't.

\stage
They wanted to know if hell was better than heaven.
They're different.
Hell is poor, but the people are nice to each other
(like Australia).
Heaven in like the US; everyone has an iPod and is
told that this is what they want and that they have
things that no-one else in the world wants,
but they live a soulless existance, where
society doesn't value them.
Which is better, heaven or hell?
The answer is not yes or no.
It depends on what you value.

\stage
one person (the Francesca filled with ennui)
saw too many phone calls.
I said I needed those to convey that the other
person was in heaven.
I didn't get what was wrong with having the phone calls.
She wasn't there last month.
There is a fair bit of staging that got lost in a reading.
Maybe that would help.

\stage
The conversion of Edgar to decide to join hell (someone said)
should have been more dramatic.
They thought he should have been the protagonist.
I would have thought that everyone would have been
watching Edgar to wait to see which way he goes.
You don't need to see him gradually conveying that he's choosing sides.
Clearly when there's no 9th train, he has to join hell.

\stage
I think that Francesca is the main person,
but with the reader we had last night,
you weren't going to see this.

\act % begins demon act

\open{fade in}

\scene{int.\ office~--- day}

\stage
Beelzebub is doing a crossword. 

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{loudly to get through closed door}
Francesca! An 8 letter word for a creature that attends God.

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{stops applying lipstick, loudly}
You mean cherubim? 
They're mythical you know. 
The word is a transliteration from the Greek.
No-one has a clue what they are. 
There aren't any up there.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
\paren{loudly, disappointed}
Oh, Sure. OK. Whatever.

\stage
silence. Francesca resumes her makeup.
Beelzebub looks thoughtfully at his crossword.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{loudly}
Francesca! 13 letters. 
The disease vector for "The Plague", 
you know, which killed 30-60\% of Europe in the Middle Ages?

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{somewhat annoyed, gets up and opens door and talks through it at normal volume.}
\em{Yersinia pestis}. 
I thought you were responsible for that. 
How come you don't remember it? 

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{looks up at sound of door opening, talks at normal volume.}
That was evolution.
We had nothing to do with it.

\stage 
Francesca closes door and sits back at her desk.

\stage 
silence. 

\stage 
Francesca engages in floosey activities.
Francesca could resume her makeup, look at herself in mirror, 
blow bubble gum bubbles 
(Lolita style, except there's nowhere on stage to get rid of the bubble gum later).

\stage
While Francesca is applying makeup,
Fred Demon enters stage-right. 
and stands far enough back that Francesca doesn't notice him.
He doesn't notice Francesca.
He is is carrying a trident in one hand.

\stage
Fred does activities to indicate that he's a demon.
These activities (\em{e.g.} checking his garb) indicate 
that he is lower status than Beelzebub 
and must put in a good appearance.
Fred knows he does a good job and that his efforts to put 
in a good appearance will be noticed.
Fred first brushes down the front of his jacket,
then reaches around and grabs his tail to check it,
running his hands along it bringing the distal end into view.
He outlines the arrow of the pointy end, 
indicating that his tail terminates in a point.
He exaggeratedly touches the point gingerly and withdraws his finger in pain.
He then checks the horns on his head,
by touching the points, again indicating pain.

\stage
Fred steps into the office and is surprised to see Francesca at the desk.

\stage
Francesca, being new, is surprised too.
She doesn't know what goes on in Hell.
She's not expecting anyone.

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
\paren{cheerily}
Oh Hello. I have an appointment to see Beelzebub.

\stage
Francesca goes into "I'm in charge here mode" 
and is not about to let some mere tradesman through to the inner sanctum.

\dialog{Francesca}
And who might you be?

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
\paren{polite and friendly}
I'm Fred Demon. I run the furnaces.  

\stage
Francesca makes a show of checking the appointment book.
as if she expects not to find his name.
She eventually finds that Fred is an acceptable personage.
For a joke, you could make the appointment book a huge thick book,
like the Akashic Record (or the book that Mickey Mouse has to flip
through as the sourcerer's apprentice), which Francesca has to heave open,
and whose pages are large and have to be flipped over with both hands.

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{formally}
Ah. Thank you Mr Demon. Please have a seat. He'll be with you shortly.

\stage
Fred remains standing. 
He checks his watch and looks satisfied (he's on time).

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
\paren{polite and friendly}
And who are you?  

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{Looking down her nose, as if she's been here all her life and owns the place}
I'm Francesca. I started yesterday.

\stage
Fred carefully touches each point of the trident, checking for sharpness,
exaggeratedly withdrawing in pain with each one.

\stage
Fred looks around for somewhere to put his trident.
Francesca points to the trident stand.

\dialog{Fred Demon}
I'm not supposed to let it out of my reach you know.

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{Francesca looking as if she'll touch it anytime she wants}
I promise I won't touch it.

\stage
Fred puts his trident in the trident stand,
then gesticulates towards the ground in front of him,
when he delightedly sees a sheet of flames spring out of the ground.
He waves the smoke away, coughing.

\stage
Francesca runs around the desk waving the smoke out of the way,
coughing and making a big deal about the smoke.
She bends down to check the carpet.
She's mystified to find that it's OK and looks up at Fred puzzled.

\dialog{Francesca}
There's no burn marks?! How did you do that?

\stage
Fred looks at his watch then knocks on the door, 
leaving the trident behind.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
\paren{loudly}
Come in!

\stage Fred strides across to stand infront of Beelzebub's desk. 
Beelzebub stands up and shakes his hand.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Well it's Fred Demon. How's things at the furnaces?

\stage
Francesca notices that the trident is still in the trident stand.
She picks it up whereupon it starts to vibrate.
Francesca's hands shake and she looks mildly alarmed.
After trying a few things to stop it vibrating,
she puts the trident on her shoulder, like it was a baby,
and strokes the trident, when it stops vibrating.
She walks through the door without knocking
as if she owns the place.

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{hands trident to Fred}
Mr Demon?!

\dialog{Fred Demon}
\paren{cautiously}
Er. Thank you. You aren't supposed to touch anyone else's trident you know.

\dialog{Francesca}
Whatever you say Mr Demon.

\stage
Fred Demon puts his trident into the trident stand in Beelzebub's office.

\stage
Francesca returns to her desk, 
resumes fanning herself (because of the heat) 
and looking in the mirror, fixing her hair.

\stage
Fred turns to Beelzebub.

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
The furnaces? They're great, great.
We've had a record year of output and zero down time and zero time lost to injuries.
Worker morale is at an all time high. 
It's our best year yet.
Projections for next year, indicate a healthy 3\% increase in output.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Fantastic! One Hell of a good job.

\stage 
About here Francesca decides to organise the office.
She goes to the file cabinets, opens a few, looks at the files,
has a look of dismay, or rolling of eyes, take a few folders out,
puts them on her desk, reorders a few of them, throws a few out,
puts them back in different filing cabinets. Repeat. 
Takes the trash out.

\dialog{Fred Demon}
\paren{stage whisper, pointing to the door}
Who's that?!

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Francesca. She's God's most recent girlfriend.
She told God that he was full of himself.
He told her to go to hell.
She didn't think that such a bad idea
and yesterday afternoon, caught the next train down here.
After asking for directions, 
she appeared here looking for a job.
She said she could organise an office,
so here she is.
She seems to fit in just fine.
I don't think she'll want to go back.

\dialog{Fred Demon}
I didn't think anyone ever got \_out\_.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
The official position is that no-one wants to leave.
In Francesca's case,
God couldn't wait to be rid of her.

\dialog{Fred Demon}
Have you looked at God's latest book? 
We really get a hammering.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
You're talking about the second one right? 

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
Are you going to write a rebuttal?

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{calmly dismissive}
No, that wouldn't do a thing. 
Besides the book is just \em{ad hominem} attacks,
name calling and invective.
There's nothing of substance there.
It's not like they can point to anything we've done wrong.

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
What about all the accustions of torture and roasting people's souls for eternity?

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
That's Dante.
Listen, the people who come here are 
liars, cheats, thieves, whores, whorers,
as well as adolescents who stay awake late 
at night thinking about people of the opposite sex that they like.
They're MY people.
Does anyone really believe I'd do anything like that to MY people?

\dialog{Fred Demon}
Of course not.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Besides if anyone thinks about it, 
they already know what it's like here.
You remember the last time they took all the 
drunkards, misfits and people who challenged authority,
locked them up, 
clapped them in chains and shipped them off 
to live in primitive conditions, 
to a hot, dry, godforsaken place, 
inhabited by the most venomous creatures in existance,
where the vegetation burst into a conflagration of flames every summer, 
reducing everything in its path to ash,
and from where they could never get back? 

\dialog{Fred Demon}
You mean Australia?

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Yes! Exactly! This place is just like Australia.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Besides the only people who'll read it are Americans.
The Buddhists are amused by it;
they opt to reincarnate everytime, 
even when they don't have to.
The Muslims will recognise the book as the work of Infidels and not of God.
The rest of the world couldn't care less.
They're just going about their business,
working hard, raising kids, taking them to soccer,
and baking cookies for their kid's school.

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
About the engineer ...

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{most pleased}
Oh yes.
Wasn't that incredible?
We've never had an engineer here before.
The Celestial Bookkeeping software went down in a server crash.
Next thing they'd lost track of him and somehow he wound up here.
From what I can tell, 
they're not sure if he's missing or he never existed.
God keeps calling up to ask if we've seen him.
I always say I don't know a thing about him.

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
\paren{mock concern}
That was most unfortunate.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Of course, 
no-one accepted responsibility for the crash ...

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
\paren{Fred nods in resigned agreement}
I expect they were all too afraid. 

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{becoming a little worked up}
... and WE were blamed for it.
God tells everyone that these things happen because they've sinned.
Of course they haven't, 
so there's nothing they can do to prevent the next disaster.
This keeps the residents of heaven in constant turmoil.
The populace is told to be ever vigilant
and to be on the lookout for suspicious activity.
It's all theatre, but it keeps them on
edge and thinking that God cares about them.

\stage
Francesca does physicality to show that her cell phone doen't work.
She starts in time to finish the physicality when Fred leaves.
Francesca takes out her cell phone, looks at it puzzled,
presses buttons on it, shakes it gently, rotates it,
getting no satisfaction from it.
She opens up her handbag, retrieves the charger,
plugs it into the cell phone and then walks around
the room trying to find a power plug, but without success.
She gives up and returns to her desk.

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
Ah ... the engineer

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Oh right, sorry. So how's he doing?

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
In the beginning he wasn't real happy to be here,
but once he saw how much work there was to do,
he's as happy as a clam.
First thing he did was install air conditioning.
It's set at 25degC day and night for anyone who wants it.

\stage
Francesca reaches a peak of heat distress (fanning...)

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
ah yes, blessed relief.
Well of course we don't need any airconditioning here in the admin building 
and we've never turned it on.
We kinda like it at 37degC.
The hotter, the better, I always say.

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
Next he's working on flush toilets.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Great. Say how's the family doing?

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
Elsie is fine

\dialog{Beelzebub}
The girls?

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
They're great. I'm so happy with them.
Aurora dances, Calyptra plays soccer and Phaedra plays the violin and piano.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
I expect you're busy then, running them around everywhere.

\dialog{Fred Demon} 
Well gotta go, idle hands and all that you know.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
yes, a minute lost is a minute wasted.

\stage
Fred Demon and Beelzebub shake hands.
Fred Demom forgets his trident and exits through door.

\stage
Francesca looks at Fred as he leaves, 
noticing that he's not carrying his trident.
She walks into Beelzebub's office without knocking.
Both look at the trident in the trident stand

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{slightly bemused, elbow on table, chin in hand}
he does this a lot

\stage
Francesca strides purposefully towards the trident

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{cautiously}
You're not supposed to touch anyone else's trident you know.

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{authoritatively}
we're on good terms

\stage
Francesca picks up the trident 
and puts it on her shoulder like a baby,
where to Satan's surprise,
it doesn't vibrate. 
Francesca walks back to her desk, 
and leans the trident against her desk.
(She doesn't put it in the trident stand.)

\stage
Francesca checks the next appointment (in a book,
perhaps the very big and heavy book) 
and smiles as if she's ready for the next person.

\stage
Here I have to let the audience know who's coming next.

\dialog{Francesca}
Ah, Edgar Bronfmann

\stage
Edgar walks into the office.
He's hot (wipes forehead).

\dialog{Edgar}
\paren{graciously}
Hello. I'm Edgar Bronfmann. I have an appointment.

\dialog{Francesca}
Good afternoon Mr Bronfmann. 
We're expecting you. 
Please take a seat. 
He'll be with you shortly.

\stage
Edgar remains standing.

\stage
I suggest some physicality to show a connection with whiskey,
also to show Edgar being graciously dressed.
\em{e.g.} straightening tie (also mops brow from heat).
Edgar looks with consideration at the shelf,
noticing that it contains items of interest and picks a bottle from it,
uncorks it, tests the smell as if savouring the vapours,
pours a shotglass of whiskey,
and drinks it slowly enough to be testing the taste of Beelzebub's whiskey.

\dialog{Francesca}
You may go in Mr Bronfmann

\stage
Edgar walks in. 
Beelzebub and Edgar shake hands like gentlemen.

\stage
Francesca had not noticed the contents of the shelf.
She scrutinises the shelf and takes a bottle back to her desk,
and pours herself drinks, without any of the elegance of Edgar,
while fanning herself and applying makeup.

\dialog{Edgar}
Hello Beelzebub. Nice 100yr old single malt you have there.
Better than anything I ever produced.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Hello Edgar. Nice to see you.
Yes we make it ourselves.
Nothing like it in the other place either (points overhead) of course.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
I'd heard you were on your way.
The other place knows who's coming of course, 
but they never tell us.
Makes it hell for planning.

\stage
Beelzebub and Edgar suddenly cringe and cup their hands over their ears.

\dialog{Edgar}
What's that?

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
It's the heavenly choirs.
Everyone has to stop whatever they're doing,
and sing to God, telling him how much they love him.
We get a specially amplified version down here.

\stage
Francesca searches through her desk drawers, 
and pulls out over-the-head ear protectors.

\stage
Edgar and Beelzebub continue by shouting.

\dialog{Edgar}
It's a bit over the top isn't it?
If he's still feeling unloved, 
after all this time, 
he must realise that it's not working.
Shouldn't he try therapy?

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
As we all know, 
therapy doesn't work, 
All the psychologists are up there, 
while their clients, 
all wind up down here,
depressed and convinced it's their fault 
that all the years of therapy didn't work. 

\stage
music stops. 
The audience is shown this by everyone stopping talking,
taking their hands off their ears and cautiously looking around.
After checking, Francesca removes ear protectors.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{brightly}
So you're moving in, eh?
I expect with all the money you and your family made in Montreal during prohibition,
you'd all wind up here eventually.

\dialog{Edgar} 
Well actually, it's a bit complicated.
I also negotiated to help people out of Russia during the communist era;
Jews and prisoners of conscience,
and I helped recover looted money from Swiss banks.
Now would you believe it, 
I've been declared a righteous man.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{incredulous} 
No way! You're going to be up there?!
Goddammit, there's no justice.
You belong down here fair and square.

\dialog{Edgar} 
It's not that simple. 
God doesn't know what to do with me,
so he's going to let me choose.
I get a free pass; I can go backwards and forwards whenever I like, 
for as long and often as I want.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Well at least you didn't repent on your death bed.
We loose so many that way.
Well, we'd love to have you here, Edgar.
Take your time and have a look around 
and see if there's a place you like.

\dialog{Edgar}
\paren{changing from graceous to serious}
Listen; I'm not just here to chit-chat.
Everything isn't as it appears.
I had a quick look around
and there's a bunch of people up there who want to get out.

\stage
Francesca perks up and walks to the door to listen in.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{puzzled} 
oh?

\dialog{Edgar}
As you know, the biggie in heaven is bliss for eternity.
Most people are delighted;
these are the ones who spend their lives in front of a 210 cm TV screen
watching Fox news and spectator sports,
and who go to church on sunday to sing praises to God.
The problem is that these people are driven by the terror of going straight to hell.
To make sure they don't go to hell, 
they marry as virgins,
never smoke dope and never divorce.
Can you imagine these people as neighbours?

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{shakes head or recoils in horror}
No. Absolutely not.

\dialog{Edgar}
The big surprise about bliss is that the rest of the people can't stand it.
If you have any creativity or drive
or you're the slightest bit restless,
you're quickly bored out of your skull with bliss.
%The first million years are great,
%the second million years are OK,
%but after that it goes into a bit of a decline.
At first it's great, then it's OK, but
after that it goes into a bit of a decline.
These people look down here and see all their friends.
It's an open secret that these people want out.
Of course they're all vilified by the other residents.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Can you get them out?

\dialog{Edgar} 
I'm going to try. 
It seems that no-one has ever wanted to leave.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Yes, that's the official position.

\dialog{Edgar} 
The problem is that God doesn't want them to go.
He loves them unconditionally 
and thinks that they'd be better off staying with him.
Besides if half of heaven bolted for the door,
the people left behind might wonder what was going on.
It would be a PR disaster of the first order.

\stage
Beelzebub and Edgar shake hands as if they hold each other in high esteeem.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Let me know if I can be of any help.

\stage
Francesca hurries from Beelzebub's door, 
where she's been listening, 
to her chair,
Edgar leaves.
Francesca and Edgar exchange pleasant glances of acknowledgement.

\stage
Fred Demon comes running in to retreive his trident,
he notices it leaning against Francesca's desk 
and not in the trident stand.

\dialog{Fred Demon}
you're not supposed to touch anyone else's trident!

\dialog{Francesca}
It's mine now. 
It wants to be with me.
You keep forgetting it. 
Go learn to be nice to a trident
and then get yourself another one.

\stage
Fred reaches for the trident, 
which vibrates strongly in his hands.
He puts it back down looking at Francesca, 
who gives him a "see?!" look.
Fred backs away from Francesca and leaves the room.

\stage
edit

\stage
Edgar is in heaven.
I don't have any great ideas on how to show this.
For simplicity, 
I suggest he stands on a chair behind Beelzebub, 
against the back wall of the stage.
He will be elevated and a bit remote.
Edgar picks up phone. 
Beelzebub picks up.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{cheerily}
Hi Edgar. How's things?

\stage
Francesca picks up phone to listen in on conversation.

\dialog{Edgar}
\paren{serious}
It's done.
They're going to let them all out, every one of them.
It's a one time deal.
They'll need passports and travel documents.
I'll get you a list.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{changing mood to fit the gravity of the situation}
Can do. We have the best forgers here.
 
\dialog{Edgar}
There's going to be a levy for each person leaving.
This is to compensate for alienation of affections.
God wants want payment in gold.
Can you handle that?

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
\paren{pause, thinks carefully} 
...Yes.

\dialog{Edgar}
There'll be multiple train loads.
All the carriages will be shuttered.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
so they can't see the rest of heaven on the way out?

\dialog{Edgar}
so none of the other residents know that anyone's leaving.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Get us the list.
We'll handle it.

\stage
They hang up. 
Edgar steps down from his chair and walks off stage.
Francesca hangs up by pushing the cradle down with her fingers,
and then putting the handset down.

\stage
Francesca starts looking through the rolodex, phone book (or something)
and dials the phone.
This scene shows Francesca starting to take initiative.

\dialog{Francesca}
Forgery, It's Francesca.
Oh, you know who I am? 
Great!
Well listen.
This is a heads up.
They're letting a bunch of people out from heaven.
Yes, isn't that wonderful news?
It's a one time deal.
We'll need passports and travel documents.
You'll handle it?
Great.
I'll get you the names and photos.

\stage
Beelzebub walks into Francesca's office.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
They're letting a bunch of people out from heaven.
I'll get you a list.
Can you let forgery know we'll need passports and travel documents.

\stage
Francesca is not doing to explicitely let Beelzebub know
she's already handled it.

\dialog{Francesca}
I'll get right onto it.

\stage
edit

\stage
Beelzebub at desk, reviewing reports.
You could have him riffling through IBM fanfold
printouts from the 1960's.

\stage
Francesca walks into her office, 
carrying passports and travel documents.
Puts them on the floor next to her desk.

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{calls out to Beelzebub}
The passports and travel documents are here!

\stage
Francesca makes a couple of trips to bring them all in.
Sits at her desk.

\stage
Don't know whether to have Beelzebub relieved, 
happy, or think this is routine.

\dialog{Beelzebub} 
Great (or great! or whew)

\stage
Edgar steps up and stands on chair on back wall, as if in heaven.
Edgar dials, Beelzebub picks up.
Francesca picks up straight after Beelzebub picks up.

\dialog{Edgar}
There's been a change of plans. 
They're only going to let the children go,
children 6 and under.
I don't know what happened, I'm sorry.
Everyone's stopped talking.
There's 930 children.
It's called KinderTransport.
Can you handle that?

\dialog{Beelzebub}
We'll find a way.

\dialog{Edgar}
Each kid is allowed a small bag for personal possessions,
like a teddy bear, the clothes they're wearing,
passport and travel documents.
Their nametag will be pinned to their jacket.
There will be 9 trainloads.
No adults will be allowed to accompany them on the train.
They'll be coming tomorrow, all unaccompanied.

\stage
They all hang up, Francesca by pushing down the cradle first.
Beelzebub sits stunned.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
OMG the kids are going to be on the train by themselves?
What are we going to do with a bunch of kids 
with no parents to look after them?

\stage
Beelzebub sits down, looks lost.

\stage
Francesca confidently and resolutely 
pulls a pile of folders out of the cabinets 
and puts them on her desk.
Takes the top passport off the pile on the floor
(opens passport crossways and looks at photo etc),
and then starts looking through the pile of folders on her desk for a match.
She finds a match, and holding the passport infront of her, picks up the phone.

\dialog{Francesca}
Hi Francesca here. 
Yes it's me.
You know about me? 
Oh great.
Listen, I'm calling about operation KinderTransport.
You know about it? Oh, good.
Yes, there's been a change of plans;
the kids are coming by themselves.
Yes there's no parents coming.
We're looking for families to take them in.
Would you like one of the children?
We've found one that we think is a perfect match for you.
His name is ... (looks at passport) ... Oskar, 
he's 4 yrs old and he's very handsome.

\dialog{Francesca}
You'd love to? Oh wonderful.
He'll be on train 4 tomorrow.
Fred Demon will be at the platform to handle the arrangements.
I know you'll be very happy with Oskar.
He's such a sweet child.
Thanks very much.

\stage
Francesca puts the now matched passport and folder together 
on a separate pile on the floor.

\stage
She looks at the clock on the wall ruefully 
and rubs her tummy as if she's hungry.
She takes the next passport off the floor, and 
and starts looking for a match in the pile on her desk.

\stage
Beelzebub walks out of his office, still confused, to talk to Francesca.
Francesca has her fingers on a folder and a passport in her hand, 
and is miming talking on the phone.
As she sees him at her desk, she speaks into the phone

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{into the phone}
Can you wait a second. Sorry, I won't be a moment.

\stage
then puts her hand over the phone.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Francesca, there's been a problem

\dialog{Francesca}
I'm onto it

\stage
she puts her hand up to stop Beelzebub from talking
and resumes talking on the phone.

\dialog{Francesca}
Her name is ... (looking at passport) ... Liselle.
She's 6 yrs old and is as bright as a button.
I just know you're going to love her.
She's wonderful.
She'll be on train 3.
Thanks so much.

\stage
Francesca look up at Beelzebub with "well?".
Beelzebub looks at the folders on her desk and the floor,
figures out that she finding families for the kids, 
looks at the clock on the wall to show that
he realises that Francesca should have left work by now
and will be hungry.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Don't go away. I'll be right back.

\stage
Beelzebub exits, through the same door that Fred used.
Francesca keeps miming talking on the phone,
matching folders. Every now and again she'll say

\dialog{Francesca}
... Hans ... he's just lovely. Oh thank you so much.

\dialog{Francesca}
... Anna ...

\dialog{Francesca}
... Roland ...

\stage
Beelzebub walks in carrying a grocery bag.
He pulls out trays of fast food, 
which Francesca looks at with interest.
Beelzebub goes into his office 
(dont' forget to open and close door) 
and retrieves his chair.
Francesca moves her chair over to allow 
Beelzebub to sit down with her.

\dialog{Francesca}
\paren{inspecting trays of food}
Cafe duPont? We have french fast food?

\dialog{Beelzebub}
God finds the French insufferably arrogant.

\dialog{Francesca}
He'd know.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
There's not one of them up there.
They're all down here, every last frenchman.

\stage
both eat.
Francesca hands him a pile of folders

\dialog{Francesca}
Listen.
It's going to be a long night.
Here's a pile of 100 kids to match.
I've taped the standard spiel on the top.
Want to make a start?

\stage
Beelzebub looks daunted.
Both continue to eat as they work the phones.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
sure.

\stage
Beelzebub opens passport and holds it in front of him.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Hi! Mephistopheles here.
...Yes, it really is me.
Well, nice to talk to you too.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Yes (haha), you haven't seen me for a while.
I know I used to lead the midwinter parade.
Yes, I got all dressed up, looking mean and evil,
and you all shook your fists at me and
pelted me with rotten vegetables. 

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Well, yeah, I don't do it any more.
It got a bit hard after a while.
I always felt a bit depressed after the parade,
hourdes of people yelling abuse at me.
I know it was a parade and everything 
and it was supposed to be fun,
but year after year, it wore me down.
Back in the dark ages, 
when everyone was terrified of me, 
I had to do it, 
to give everyone some relief,
but since then we've had the enlightenment,
the renaissance, modern medicine, science,
universal healthcare and universal education.
People aren't nearly so afraid of me anymore ... 
thank goodness.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
When the big bad wolf came along,
he jumped at the chance to lead the midwinter parade.
He turned the whole thing around.
Now all the girls dress up
as Little Red Riding Hood.
They carry baskets full of goodies
and give out cakes to friends and the people watching the parade.
The boys all dress up as the three little pigs. 
They make oinking noises at each other 
and eat cakes, with their hands behind their backs, 
which the little girls offer them.
Other boys dress up as wolves in sheep's clothing.
The big bad wolf loves doing it.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Do I miss doing the parade?
No. Not really. 
It wasn't fun, at least the way I did it.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Oh, I mostly just do management now.
It's much less stressful than in the old days.
I used to have to deal with people who were terrified.
They'd been told they were sinful 
and I was going to do horrible things to them.
None of it was true of course, 
but they were all traumatised.
It took them ages to recover
and they were never quite the same afterwards.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
\paren{picks up spiel, changes tone}
Say, have you heard about the KinderTransport program?
You have? My, my, word gets around.
We have a lovely little girl we think you'd like.
Her name is 
(holds up passport)
ah ... Lotte ....
She's 5yrs old ... and 
(back to reading the spiel).
she's as bright as a button.
I just know you're going to love her.
You'd love to have her?
Oh wonderful.
She'll be on train 5 tomorrow.
Fred Demon will meet you at the platform to handle the arrangements.
Thanks very much.

\stage
Beelzebub and Francesca mime more phone calls

\stage
edit

\stage
Beelzebub and Francesca look at the completed piles of matched documents on the floor,
shake hands, look exhausted,
and both put their heads and arms down on the desk asleep.

\stage
edit

\stage
two chairs against the back wall in separate spots
(one behind Francesca's desk and one behind Beelzebub's desk).
Francesca and Edgar will stand on them whenever they're in heaven.

\stage
there are several people on the stage at one time.
They are in different locations (heaven, hell).
Usually only one pair are active.
You could show this by only lighting the people speaking.
If there are no lights, the inactive people on stage, 
could remain motionless.

\stage
Beelzebub at desk, with trident leaning against desk.

\stage
Francesca standing on chair on back wall (ie in heaven). 
She doesn't have to have her trident.

\stage
Fred Demon on floor mid stage right. Has his trident.

\stage
Francesca picks up phone, Beelzebub answers.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Francesca, where are you?

\stage
(Joe: this is tell rather than show. How do I show?)
maybe Francesca could walk through the train, looking at kids,
comforting some of them.

\dialog{Francesca}
I'm riding the train. 
Someone needed to be with the kids.
Some kids are just bewildered, 
they don't know if they're going on a picnic or what.
Other children are sobbing convulsively and pleading not to be sent away.
The kid's peers, who are staying behind, teased them, 
telling them they've been bad and are being condemned to hell.
The scene on the platform as the train was about to leave was just searing.
The parents were crying their eyes out, trying to let their kids go.
There's still another 8 trainloads of parents and kids 
back there on the platform,
saying goodbye to each other over and over.
I've never seen such a scene.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Can you blame them?
The parents and kids are never going to see each other again.
How did you get on the train?
I thought no-one was allowed to accompany the kids.

\dialog{Francesca}
Everyone here remembers me for what I did to God.
When I approached the train, 
they all turned a blind eye 
and I just stepped on board.
I'm going to ride each train, to be with the kids.

\stage
Francesca and Beelzebub hangup

\stage
edit

\stage
train arrives. 
Assume the end of the train is facing the audience.
Francesca is standing mid stage right (not standing on the chair anymore).
She's in the train.
Fred steps forward and opens two doors simultaneously outwards, 
like french shutters.
Francesca picks up a kid with one arm
and reaches down to hold the hand of another kid.
Assume there is a line of kids holding hands behind her.
She gently encourages the kids to follow her off the train.

\stage
Francesca steps out of the train with the kids.

\stage 
using the following names

... Oskar ...

... Liselle ...

... Anna ...

... Roland ...

... Lotte ...

she looks at the kid she's holding,
and then looks at the kid's nametag
calling out the name.
Fred checks the name.
Francesca kisses the kid and hands him/her to the new parents.
After she's given the kid to new parents, 
she waves good bye to the kid.
Francesca picks up the next kid and repeats the process for bunch of kids,
enough to raise emotions amongst the audience.
Francesca then steps back on the train.
Francesca gives a co-worker type good-bye wave to Fred who shuts the train doors.
Francesca exits to the back of the stage, strap hanging, 
to indicate that the train is moving and she has to hold onto somthing.

\stage
Fred Demon calls Beelzebub.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
Fred, how's things at the station?

\dialog{Fred Demon}
The first trainload has been dropped off.
Everything went according to plan.
Francesca stepped off the train holding the hand of the first kid
in a chain of kids.
We matched the kids to their new families.
All the kids on the first train are now accounted for.
The train is on it's way back now.

\dialog{Fred Demon}
The kids are wondering if this is a strange day out.
They all want their mommies and daddies.
Many are crying.
It's going to take them a while to adjust to what's happened today.

\stage
I need to show that the sequence of trains,
train 2 through train 7, 
is arriving one at a time.
I don't have a good idea of how to do this.
One way is the following mime. 
Francesca picks up the phone 
and then Beelzebub picks up the phone.
Francesca holds up two fingers,
to indicate that the second train has left.
Beelzebug holds up two fingers to show that the 2nd train is in transit.
They hang up.
Nothing is said.

\stage
A couple of beats.

\stage
Fred pick up his phone and holds up two fingers. 
Beelzebub holds up two fingers again.

\stage
The cycle repeats till Fred and Beelzebub are holding up 7 fingers
and then put them down.

\stage
Possibly have Francesca be on the train and depositing
a set of kids, in a loop, like in fast motion,
to show 6 trainloads of kids arriving.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
We're almost there. This is going to be the second last train.
Only one more after that and we're done.

\stage
everything stops. The rhythm of the numbers is broken.
Francesca does not pick up her phone.
The devil looks at his watc.
The audience knows something has changed.

\stage
Edgar has been offstage.
He steps onto his chair.
Edgar calls. Beelzebub is not expecting him to call.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
\paren{concerned}
Edgar, where are you? What's happening?

\dialog{Edgar}
I'm on the platform talking to the officials.
There's going to be no 9th train.
The 8th train is the last train. 
No-one will look me straight in the face and tell me what's going on.
There's 250 kids for the 9th train still left on the platform.
They are not going to be coming. 
They'll all be staying here.
The parents have spent all day here at the platform,
saying goodbye over and over and crying their eyes out,
expecting to be sending their kids off to a better life,
to a place, where they'll never see them again. 
The parents all expected the kids to be gone by now.
The loudspeakers are saying there'll be no 9th train
and ordering everyone to disperse and go home,
and to take their kids with them.
The parents don't know whether to be happy or to cry.
They're just stunned and silent.

\dialog{Beelzebub}
OK Edgar. What are you going to do? 
Are you staying there or coming back here?
Will they even let you back down here?

\stage
Is "This place is hell. I'm never coming back." too heavy handed?

\dialog{Edgar}
I'm throwing in my lot with you.
This place is hell. I'm never coming back.
I'm boarding the train with Francesca.

\stage
Francesca picks up the phone and holds up 8 fingers.
Beelzebub holds up 8 fingers.

\stage
Repeat the train arrival as for the first train,
except that Edgar is at the back of the imaginary line of kids.
He's holding one and encouraging the other kids 
(who are in front of him) to follow Francesca.
After Francesca hands over the kids to be checked off by Fred
and passed to the new parents,
Edgar steps forward with the last kid, 
who he's holding in his arms,
and repeats the process.

\stage
Fred calls Beelzebub.

\dialog{Fred Demon}
The 8th train arrived with Francesca and Edgar.
All 669 kids are accounted for.
Everyone of them is crying and wants their mommy and daddy.
I've never seen a scene like this.

\stage
edit

\stage
At the end of the play, when everyone lines up to bow,
Beelzebub has his trident,
Edgar has a trident and horns for the first time,
Francesca has horns and is holding her trident,
and a second trident, while Fred Demon doesn't have one.
Fred and Francesca are standing next to each other.
Before anyone bows,
Francesca taps Fred on the shoulder with a knowing smile

\dialog{Francesca}
Mr Demon? 

\stage
and hands Fred his trident.

\stage
bows.

\fadeout
\theend

%%%% Always end with \bye.
\bye % cleans up and exits
