% Demo file for using ScriptTex 1.03%version

% This isn't a particularly exciting script, but it is demonstrative of what
% you can do with ScriptTex.

\input ../screenplay.tex

% optional \twoside
% optional \jlbrooks

\TV % or \movie (\TV is default)
\proof % or \manuscript or \shoot  (\proof is default)

\series{}  % Optional
\title{Tasteful Woman and Tasteful Man} % used on title page and in \proof footlines
\author{Joseph Mack} % used on title page and in \proof footlines
\basedon{suggestions by Steve Carson, Guy Beretich, the Annuale and Autumn's Eve SNL sketches}
\draft{Second draft} % used only if \proof is in force
%\date{25-OCT-1991}  % defaults to \today
\showcopyright{\number\year}
\address{5112 Longwood Dr \\
         Durham, NC, 27713-8010 \\
         (919) 401-2047\\
         jmack@wm7d.net}

\maketitle % creates a title page

%%%%
%%%% Main script begins here.
%%%% For the first part of this script, I won't take advantage of any synonyms
%%%% or shortcuts.
%%%%

%\act % 

\open{fade in}

\stage
Comic Perspective: Advertisement parody.

\stage
Product(s): Tasteful Woman and Tasteful Man

\stage
This sketch is modelled on the class examples from SNL; the new spice douche
"Autumn's eve" (these next two URLs both should be the same)

\stage
http://entertainment.time.com/2013/10/27/snl-wants-to-sell-you-a-pumpkin-spice-douche/
\stage
http://www.hulu.com/watch/550559

\stage
and a new version of the pill, "Annuale" (again both these URLs are the same)

\stage
http://screen.yahoo.com/annuale-000000661.html
\stage
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x501tn\_annuale-commercial\_fun

\stage
The premise of this piece is based on a female comedian I found on youtube 
who said that if god wanted men to have oral sex, 
she would have made them taste of chocolate.

\stage
My list for the side effects of a daily pill for men was augmented by
"Sex Tips for Girls" by Cynthia Heimel,
p47, with her list of the side effects of the pill for women.

\stage
The suggestion of the taste of beer for women came from Guy,
when I asked him what she ({\it i.e.} god) would have made women taste like.

\stage
Spokespeople/Celebrity Endorser: 
Squeaky clean, attractive, woman and man, 
who for comic perspective, 
wouldn't want their public persona associated with the activities which use the product(s)
{\it e.g.} Oprah, Russell Crowe.
The spokespeople had to be seen by the audience to be people from whom
the target would be happy to hear advice about sex.
Later I found that Russell Crowe had a temper.
As well Oprah is not associated with sex, either having it or not having it.
I needed another woman.
I then decided that Amy Schumer would be a female that males in a comedy setting,
would be happy to accept as an authority on sex, at least for the purposes of a sketch.

\act % 

\scene{int.\ anytime}

\introduce{MC} Will need the cooperation of the MC here.

\introduce{Amy Schumer}

\introduce{Kevin Costner}

\dialog{MC}
Tonight we're very lucky to have as our guests, Amy Schumer and Kevin Costner.

\dialog{Amy}
Welcome back late night TV viewers.
Kevin and I have been telling you about our wonderful personal care products
that have been keeping women feeling fresh and confident...

\dialog{Kevin}
Summer's Eve, Tropical Breeze, Stay Fresh Gel,
Island Escape, Island Splash, Fresh Island Breeze,
Delicate Breeze,
Secret's Powder,
Demure,
Messengill with country flowers,
Vagisil, Water Works, 
VH Essentials, 
FDS in regular and extra strength and
now available in powder and spray forms too.
That's not all.
There's,
Tiny Kit, Luvena,
and Norforms.
Don't forget if you're really stuck,
there's always vinegar.

\dialog{Amy}
Here tonight, we're announcing our new product line
Tasteful Man and Tasteful Woman.

\dialog{Kevin}
Hello Amy. Do we have exciting news for the people out in viewing land.

\dialog{Amy}
Hello Kevin. Yes my life is filled with even more fun and joy now.

\stage
As Kevin speaks,
Amy takes a giant toothpaste tube size tube of "Tasteful Woman"
from the bathroom cabinet 

\dialog{Kevin}
Women: Does your man think you're tasteless? 
Does he find you ... ah... somewhat blah? 
Put some zing and zest back into your relationship 
with our yeasty flavoured lubricant jelly called "Tasteful Woman". 
Get a fresh start, with our new range of flavours, from Coors Lite through to Guiness. 
Still available in classic tuna and the original salt and vinegar flavour.

\stage
and confidently puts the tube in her handbag.

\dialog{Amy}
Is it me he wants or is it the Black and Tan?

\dialog{Amy}
Men: Does your woman find you not to her taste? 
Are you well... soapy and salty? 
Now with our new product "Tasteful Man",
you will have the taste to die for... chocolate.

\stage
As Amy speaks,
Kevin pulls a half consumed card of "Tasteful Man" pills,
out of his wallet,
holds it up to the light to check for the next pill,
pops it out of its bubble and swallows it with a glass of water.
He stands, smiling, assured and confident.

\dialog{Kevin}
These pills have changed my life.
I've still got teethmarks from last night.

\dialog{Amy}
Just take this small pill, once a day, 
starting at least 28 days beforehand. 

\stage
Kevin tooks stage assured. He can handle it.
Gives a thumbs up.

\dialog{Amy}
Remember men, you must take the pill 
every day even if you aren't planning on any fun.
You can miss one pill in any 28 day period, 
but if you miss any more, 
you have to go back to the beginning 
and start all over again.

\stage
Kevin's changes slowly to building alarm,
touching the affected parts of his body 
({\it e.g.} reassuringly grabbing his belly flab 
when weight gain is mentioned).
He doesn't know the side effects are part of the deal.

\dialog{Amy}
Side effects include, but are not limited to, 
weight gain or loss, 
water retention, bloating, constipation, 
tender areas of your body ...

\stage
Amy stops

\dialog{Amy}
It's OK Kevin, I'm just reading off the label...

\dialog{Amy}
blood clots, stroke, heart attack,
cancer, infertility, nausea and vomiting,
abdominal cramps, migraines, depression,
allergic rashes, high blood pressure,
spotty darkening of the skin...
stomachache,
yeast infection, asthma, convulsive disorders,
jaundice, frequent urination, 
dizziness, nervousness, hearing problems,
loss of scalp hair, change in sex drive,
nasal inflammation, gum disease, cataracts,
inability to use contact lenses, tiredness,
backaches, inflammation of the liver, pancreas or colon,
chorea, burning or prickly sensation, rheumatoid arthritis,
going crazy or death.
Besides that they make you feel like you're pregnant.

\stage
Kevin is in great alarm (not sure how, rolling on the floor gasping?)

\dialog{Amy}
Come on Kevin, 
Do you want to have fun or not?
It's completely safe.
It's FDA tested and approved, don't be such a baby.

\fadeout
\theend

%%%% Always end with \bye.
\bye % cleans up and exits

