% Demo file for using ScriptTex 1.03%version

% This isn't a particularly exciting script, but it is demonstrative of what
% you can do with ScriptTex.

\input ../screenplay.tex

% optional \twoside
% optional \jlbrooks

\TV % or \movie (\TV is default)
\proof % or \manuscript or \shoot  (\proof is default)

\series{}  % Optional
\title{Tasteful Man} % used on title page and in \proof footlines
\author{Joseph Mack} % used on title page and in \proof footlines
\basedon{suggestions by Steve Carson, Guy Beretich, the Annuale and Autumn's Eve SNL sketches}
\draft{Second draft} % used only if \proof is in force
%\date{25-OCT-1991}  % defaults to \today
\showcopyright{\number\year}
\address{5112 Longwood Dr \\
         Durham, NC, 27713-8010 \\
         (919) 401-2047\\
         jmack@wm7d.net}

\maketitle % creates a title page

%%%%
%%%% Main script begins here.
%%%% For the first part of this script, I won't take advantage of any synonyms
%%%% or shortcuts.
%%%%

%\act % 

\open{fade in}

\stage
Comic Perspective: Advertisement parody.

\stage
Product(s): Tasteful Woman and Tasteful Man

\stage
This sketch is modelled on the class examples from SNL; the new spice douche
"Autumn's eve" (these next two URLs both should be the same)

\stage
http://entertainment.time.com/2013/10/27/snl-wants-to-sell-you-a-pumpkin-spice-douche/
\stage
http://www.hulu.com/watch/550559

\stage
and a new version of the pill, "Annuale" (again both these URLs are the same)

\stage
http://screen.yahoo.com/annuale-000000661.html
\stage
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x501tn\_annuale-commercial\_fun

\stage
The premise for the chocolate pill 
is based on a female comedian I found on youtube 
who said that if god wanted men to have oral sex, 
she would have made them taste of chocolate.

\stage
My list for the side effects of a daily pill for men was augmented by
"Sex Tips for Girls" by Cynthia Heimel,
p47, with her list of the side effects of the pill for women.

\stage
The suggestion of the taste of beer for women came from Guy,
when I asked him what she ({\it i.e.} god) would have made women taste like.

\stage
Connie liked the side effects of the pill,
so I magnified the man's distress there.

\stage
Apr 2017. cut out most of the tasteful woman part to fit into the PlaySlam 3 min limit.
It's down from 5 mins to about 4 mins.
It's now only the Tasteful Man part.
The title has been changed from Tasteful Woman and Tasteful Man 
to just Tasteful Man.

\stage
Spokespeople/Celebrity Endorser: 
Squeaky clean, attractive, woman and man, 
who for comic perspective, 
wouldn't want their public persona associated with the activities which use the product(s)
{\it e.g.} Oprah, Russell Crowe.
The spokespeople had to be seen by the audience to be people from whom
the target would be happy to hear advice about sex.
Later I found that Russell Crowe had a temper.
As well Oprah is not associated with sex, either having it or not having it.
I needed another woman.
I then decided that Amy Schumer would be a female that males in a comedy setting,
would be happy to accept as an authority on sex, at least for the purposes of a sketch.
Then later I thought again that Oprah would be universally accepted.

\act % 

\scene{int.\ anytime}

\introduce{MC} Will need the cooperation of the MC here.

\introduce{Oprah Winfrey}

\introduce{Kevin Costner}

\stage
time 0min

\dialog{MC}
Tonight we're very lucky to have as our guests, Oprah Winfrey and Kevin Costner.

\dialog{Oprah}
Men: Does your woman find you not to her taste? 
Are you well ... soapy and salty? 
Now men, with our new product "Tasteful Man",
you will have the taste to die for ... chocolate!!
Yes, now you'll have the taste that all women want.

\stage
As Oprah speaks,
Kevin pulls out of his wallet,
and holds up a half consumed card of "Tasteful Man" pills,
to the light to check for the next pill,
pops the next pill out of its bubble and swallows it with a glass of water.
He stands, smiling, assured and confident.

\dialog{Kevin}
These pills have changed my life.
I've still got teethmarks from last night.

\dialog{Oprah}
To taste just the way your woman wants you to taste,
you only have to take this small pill, once a day, 
starting at least 28 days beforehand. 

\stage
Kevin looks assured. He can handle it.

\dialog{Oprah}
\paren{fast like TV salesman}
Remember men, you must take the pill every day, 
even if you aren't planning on any fun.
You can miss one pill in any 28 day period without any negative consequences, 
but if you miss any more, 
you'll have to keep taking the pills,
but wait till the end of the 28 day period and
then start all over.

\stage
Kevin gives thumbs up. No problem. He's got it. He is excited.

\stage
Oprah picks up packet and reads

\dialog{Oprah}
\paren{fast, like TV salesman}
Side effects include, but are not limited to, 
weight gain or loss, 
water retention, bloating, constipation, 
tender areas of your body ...

\stage
Kevin changes slowly to building alarm,
touching the affected parts of his body 
({\it e.g.} reassuringly grabbing his belly flab 
when weight gain is mentioned).
He doesn't know the side effects are part of the deal.
He is surprised and taken aback, rather than angry.

\dialog{Kevin}
What! You didn't tell me any of this!

\dialog{Oprah}
Oh come-on Kevin. Don't be such a baby.
I'm just reading off the label ... OK?

\dialog{Oprah}
\paren{fast, like TV salesman}
... blood clots, stroke, heart attack,
cancer, infertility, nausea and vomiting,
abdominal cramps, migraines, depression,
allergic rashes, high blood pressure,
spotty darkening of the skin ...

\dialog{Kevin}
This is terrible. 
Surely you can't expect me to go through the best years of my life like this,
in pain and discomfort?

\dialog{Oprah}
Pull yourself together Kevin.
You're blowing this out of all proportion.
It's been tested on thousands of men.
None of who suffered absolutely
any ill effects at all 
... except ... of course ... the occasional loss of libido

\dialog{Kevin}
you mean I won't even be interested anymore?

\dialog{Oprah}
That's what it says.
Well come on Kevin.
It's your duty in the relationship.
That's just the way life is.
You can't expect to want to every time.
Don't you want me to have fun when we're together?
You can still come along for the ride.

\dialog{Kevin}
That's perverted. 
I'm supposed to have no fun at all while you have a great time?
What about me?

\dialog{Oprah}
\paren{fast, like TV salesman}
... stomachache,
yeast infection, asthma, convulsive disorders,
jaundice, frequent urination, 
dizziness, nervousness, hearing problems,
loss of scalp hair.

\dialog{Kevin}
I'm going to be bald?!

\dialog{Oprah}
\paren{she doesn't really believe it, but wants him to accept it}
Sorry ... anyhow bald guys are kinda sexy, haven't you heard?
... (reassuring and condescending) It's completely safe Kevin;
It's FDA tested and approved,
otherwise it wouldn't be on the market.

\dialog{Oprah}
\paren{fast, like TV salesman}
...
nasal inflammation, gum disease, cataracts,
inability to use contact lenses, tiredness,
backaches, inflammation of the liver, pancreas or colon,
chorea, burning or prickly sensation, rheumatoid arthritis,

\dialog{Oprah}
Do not take with alcohol.

\dialog{Kevin}
No alcohol? 
What if I go to a party?

\dialog{Oprah}
Oh, come on Kevin! 
You're just being silly.
Anyhow everyone knows now-a-days that drinking isn't a good idea.
I've told you plenty of times, 
it would be a good thing for you to cut out.

\dialog{Oprah}
... going crazy or death.

\dialog{Kevin}
\paren{in great alarm (not sure how, rolling on the floor gasping?)}
Death!

\dialog{Oprah}
Don't worry about the death part. 
It's on all medications; even aspirin. 
It's just legal talk. 
The lawyers have to put that in.

\dialog{Oprah}
Oh and they make you feel like you're pregnant.

\dialog{Kevin}
Pregnant?!

\dialog{Oprah}
Oh Kevin!
For heaven's sakes.
You're not going to {\bf BE} pregnant,
you're just going to {\bf FEEL} that way.
Millions of people feel that way all the time and
lots of them still manage to lead reasonably normal lives 
... most of the time ... anyhow.

\stage
still reading from label

\dialog{Oprah}
Not to be used during pregnancy,
or if you think you may become pregnant.

\dialog{Kevin}
I'm not going to become pregnant!

\dialog{Oprah}
\paren {talking like an alarmed guy, 
who doesn't want his gf to become pregnant.}
Listen Kevin, I don't want you to get pregnant either! OK?

\stage
Kevin groans and whimpers

\dialog{Oprah}
Oh my god, men are such wimps.

\stage
5 mins

\fadeout
\theend

%%%% Always end with \bye.
\bye % cleans up and exits
