Parenting 101 - Tips of the trade from a talented novice

Always include a Yes with every No.

  • Your child is constantly learning. When they do something wrong or inappropriate, they need to know what was wrong, AND they need to learn what would be right or appropriate. Thus, by always following up a No with a Yes, you are teaching them the right thing to do and re-enforcing behavior that you want.

    Real life example: Chris smashes the bunny with his hand. I tell him, "No hit! Pet the bunny." I demonstrate the proper way to pet the bunny. Now Chris pats the bunny. He starts off nice, but the patting starts to become a pummeling. I repeat the lesson, "No hit! Pet the bunny... Gentle." Now as he pats the bunny I repeat the word "gentle" several times and then praise Chris for petting the bunny gently. I also tell Chris that this is what the bunny likes.

Be consistant.

  • You are going to put boundaries on your kids' behavior and your kids are going to explore those boundaries. It's unfair and confusing to them if you are inconsistent with your boundaries and expectations... If you are consistent, both you and your kids will be happier, because they will know what you want.

    Real life example: Bedtime is 8:30pm every night. Christopher can pick out a book and I will read him a story and then it is lights out and bedtime. With the addition of Daniel to our household, Chris' bedtime now fluctuates - depending on when we can get Daniel down (and how soon Daddy comes home from work, because sometimes he doesn't make it to work till noon!). Before the disruption to his routine, Chris would be asleep by 9:00pm every night with very little coaxing. Now that we are being inconsistent, it sometimes takes an hour and half to get Chris to sleep. We are currently working on getting Chris back into a routine - one that matches our new lives.

1-2-3-Timeout

  • The majority of No's you tell your child in a day are fairly minor - they don't require you to spring into immediate action. In those cases, a great tool for cutting short "inappropriate" behavior is counting to three. I tell Christopher "No," followed by some sort of Yes, and then rather than repeat my "No" too often (thus making it lose effectiveness) I follow up further incidents by calling his name and counting: "Christopher that's One.... That's Two...." I always intervene at three. I count in a normal voice and often say Chris' name before each number. If the act is semi-serious enough, I will jump straight to two or three. The funny thing about this, is that it worked even before Chris knew what One, Two, and Three meant!

    Real life example: We did the bunny lesson a few days ago and since then Chris has been petting the rabbit very nicely; but now, he's a little cranky (its near nap time) and he wanders over to the rabbit and grabs it by the fur... I of course tell Chris, "Don't grab the bunny... Pet the bunny." He pets the bunny very hard while still holding it with one hand. I say in a normal voice, "Be Gentle. One..." (drawing the one out a bit as a say it). "Two..." At this point he lets go, looks up at me with a terrific smile and then pets the bunny with exaggerated gentleness. I tell Chris, "Very good, the bunny likes it when you're gentle!" Chris then chimes in with "Good Bunny!"

If you want the best - expect the best.

  • This is true of anyone, not just children. We give off subtle cues as to how we expect people to act, and generally people react to those cues - giving us the behavior we expect. Children are extremely adaptable and are experts at reading and reacting to those cues.

    My friends call me a "kid magnet" because of the way children react to me. My secret is that I expect to like every kid I meet and I always expect to have fun with them. So far, I've not been disappointed.

    Expect the best of your kids, and expect the best of yourself too!

Take Naps.

  • Look for the tell-tale signs that its nap time: the rubbing of the eyes, an increase in clingyness, an increase in irritability. These mean that its time to nap! A good nap should last for about an hour, but don't worry if it stretches to three. A nap rejuvenates your child and helps them feel healthy and happy. Contrary to what you might think, a long nap does not make it harder to put your child to bed at night. In fact, it has the opposite effect; it is easier to get them to sleep at bedtime. Believe it!

    Fall into the cycle of good sleep, good naps, and happy kids.

I hope the above tips help. Of course nothing is as important as simply spending time with your kids. Have fun!

Jon Carnes - Father of Two.

Pictures of Chris!!! Pictures of my son Christopher

Pictures of Dan!!! Pictures of my son Daniel

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